Divorce is never easy. Not for the couple involved, and certainly not for the children caught in the middle. Child-Centered Divorce Month, marked annually in July, urges parents and professionals to re-evaluate how divorce is approached, encouraging strategies that protect the emotional, physical, financial and psychological well-being of children. For South African family law expert Susan Abro, this isn’t just a legal matter, it’s a matter of humanity.
“Divorce, particularly high-conflict divorce, can be emotionally devastating,” says Abro, founder of Susan Abro Attorney, who has practiced law for 35 years and celebrated 30 years of running her own firm this June. “Children, especially the very young, are often the silent sufferers. Their needs, routines, and relationships must remain central throughout the process.”
Abro, a former Chairperson of the Family Law Committee of the Law Society of South Africa and a Fellow of the International Academy of Family Lawyers, continues to advocate for approaches that reduce conflict and preserve dignity. She has been instrumental in introducing Arbitration in Family Law to South Africa and has spoken locally and internationally on issues including child rights, domestic violence, and family empowerment.
South African courts now require divorcing parties to indicate whether they have attempted or are willing to attempt mediation before initiating formal proceedings, a shift Abro fully supports.
“The adversarial nature of our court system can often exacerbate conflict,” she says. “Alternative dispute resolution mechanisms like mediation, collaborative practice, and arbitration allow families to address private issues constructively, and in a more child-sensitive manner.”
The reality, however, is that not all families embrace this approach. Abro is currently involved in several complex cases that highlight the consequences of failing to prioritise children.
In one instance, a father from Johannesburg has been denied contact with his young daughter for months, after unsubstantiated allegations of sexual abuse by the maternal grandparents against him. Despite earlier court-approved visitation, the child’s access to her father has been cut off entirely, leading to further trauma and legal dispute. “The social worker’s report makes it clear. The child is in emotional distress and may need to be placed in a place of safety for proper evaluation,” says Abro.
In another matter, two teenage girls have been so alienated from their father that they refuse to see him at all. “This father was actively involved in their lives and education,” Abro notes. “He’s been devastated by the estrangement and the emotional toll has impacted his business and psychological well-being.”
Cases like these highlight how emotional manipulation, unresolved parental conflict, or adversarial tactics can deeply affect children, sometimes for life.
Encouragingly, there are positive stories too. In one recent case, two unmarried parents of a toddler embraced mediation and accepted recommendations from the Family Advocate. The result is a co-parenting agreement that now provides their child with stability and both parents with a shared parenting path forward. “It’s proof that collaboration is possible, even after breakdown of the adult relationship,” Abro reflects.
There is also growing recognition of the role traditional leaders and community structures can play in resolving family disputes more constructively. The South African Law Reform Commission is currently investigating these and other restorative approaches – another sign of progressive changes in family law.
Ultimately, says Abro, the child must remain at the centre of every legal strategy, every conversation, and every decision. “Parents don’t stop being parents just because their relationship ends,” she says. “Divorce is can be a painful chapter, but it doesn’t have to scar a child’s entire story. With the right support and a child-focused approach, families can emerge stronger, and children can be protected from lasting harm.”
