The recent civil unrest and rioting in South Africa have added an intense amount of stress and fear into our lives, on top of an already anxious time caused by Covid-19. As parents, our priority is always our children and we know that you’re probably scrambling for tools or ways to comfort them, while trying to keep it together yourself.
With this in mind, the team at Fedhealth has rounded up some tips from the parenting experts:
- It’s okay to admit you don’t have all the answers
As parents, we often feel that if our kids ask us an important question, we must provide an answer. But we simply don’t have all the answers, especially in unstable times like these. And while in the short term, an inaccurate or untrue answer may provide a little comfort, it won’t end up helping our kids in the long term. In fact, it may hinder them instead. So, if your children ask you if everything is going to be okay, don’t lie to them. Admit that you don’t know but reaffirm that you will be there for them no matter what, providing comfort that your care and love for them is the one constant.
- Remember the basics
Go for a walk and collect leaves or pretty pebbles. Do some kiddies breathing exercises or yoga with them (look on Youtube for some free videos). Cook something delicious together, even if you don’t have much of an appetite. Encourage them to play games and then try and have regular rests, where you get some downtime and read together or nap. With our brains being caught up in processing all this recent information and our bodies flooding with adrenalin, it is probably difficult to concentrate right now, so go easy on yourself when it comes to any work deadlines or demanding tasks.
- Provide the facts, in a way that is appropriate for their age
“But why are people burning buildings mom? I don’t understand.” It can be tempting to start sharing your political beliefs, but where your younger kids are concerned (more specifically), stick to the facts. Provide facts that are appropriate for their developmental age and also take care to filter what they see, in terms of their media consumption. You don’t need to shield them entirely from it but keeping traumatic images on for 24 hours a day will be too much for them.
- Ask questions and acknowledge emotions
We’re always taught to be brave. But in times like these, let them know that it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to be sad, or angry too. Try and ask them open-ended questions revolving around their emotions, so they can name them and process them, rather than bottling them up. If they aren’t very verbal children, then they could draw a picture instead. They’re also allowed to see you sad, as long as it isn’t a sadness that threatens to overwhelm you, which could cause them more anxiety.
- Help someone else
You probably spent much of the past few weeks feeling powerless. Helping others who are more in need than yourself right now can make us feel less powerless, and contribute to our sense of wellbeing. Write thank you notes and bake cookies for anyone on patrol in your neighbourhood, make up food parcels to send to the worst affected areas, or donate blood in your area.
Above all, be kind to yourself as the parent too. You also need caring for, otherwise you can’t care for them. And always remember that if you aren’t coping, you are not alone. Reach out to friends or family, or make an appointment to see a professional, so you can get the support you deserve and need.
